This looks like a good, sensible, healthy meal, right? Wrong. Magnify the image 625% and you'll notice that it doesn't look that appetizing:

Gross. The corn is soggy, the carrots are soggy, the pork is bland AND soggy. You might assume a total culinary novice prepared this meal. Unfortunately, that's the situation we found ourselves in last night. I (Jake) undertook a very risky culinary experiment which resulted in the above debacle. The experiment was so advanced that failure at this level could easily be mistaken for complete cooking ignorance.

Sam was gracious in her compliments for the meal. However, I knew that a point remained to be proven. We therefore undertook the challenge:

IRON CHEF HAWAII: The Quest for Culinary Excellence

Sam and I decided to have some guests over for dinner. Unbeknownst to her, this was the perfect opportunity to reclaim my throne as head iron chef.

Sam decided to prepare summer rolls: A tasty southeast asian recipe consisting of 11 herbs and spices, all wrapped in fresh rice paper. Not bad for a novice.

I decided to make Gyoza. Or "potstickers" in the layman's tongue. Many have died trying to conquer this dangerous dish.

We started preparing our meals as the guests arrived. Tensions were running high, one small mistake and the competition would be over. Unfortunately, Samantha didn't even realize she was in a competition. After roughly 45 minutes, our creations were complete. We let the guests decide the winner:

Sam, Sarah, Mark, and Dana: deciding the fate of the universe.

And, the results:

Sam's Summer Rolls:
QUANTITY: 2.0
TASTE: 3.0
HEALTHINESS: 4.0
TOTAL: 9.0

Jake's Gyoza:
QUANTITY: 4.0
TASTE: 3.0
HEALTHINESS: 2.0
TOTAL: 9.0

A Perfect Tie! Sam and Jake are declared co-victors in the competition. Again, Jake is the only one aware the competition, so the sweet taste of victory is only palpable to him.

We decide to celebrate by taking a midnight stroll to the beach:

Followed by a fierce round of Texas Hold'em. Dana, masquerading as a novice, cleans house.